Smash Ultimate: The Phantom Pain
by BrownStar441
Summary: After receiving an invitation to join the fifth Smash Bros. Tournament, the young man under the code name of Joker couldn't wait to see what life had in store for him. But when Master Hand tells him of a certain test the young man must take to become a full-fledged participant in the tournament, Akira's life soon takes a bizarre turn for the worse.
1. New Beginning

Author's Note: So I was playing Persona 5 recently, and I honestly wondered how Joker would get along with the rest of the cast. Around the same time, I also had flashbacks of a Spongebob YTP where Patrick kills Spongebob for looking inside of his secret box. Think of this as the twisted love child between the two. That'll come into play later though. For now, be sure to leave plenty of feedback in the comments!

Akira just couldn't catch a break these days. In the span of a year, the young man and his confidants had made their debut in highly anticipated follow-up to Persona 4, took down several corrupt adults, danced the night away in the Velvet Room and were now given an invitation to join the Smash Bros. Tournament. Sure, while he knew that his parent company Atlus were determined to capitalize on the success of Persona 5, with more spin-off games, he was still ecstatic that he was chosen to participate in the tournament.

Still, just thinking about the horror stories some of the contestants told him before arriving gave the phantom thief chills. After receiving his invitation from the mysterious Master Hand, Akira was randomly invited into a group chat with his fellow competitors in order to get to know them better. How Master Hand had managed to do this was beyond him, and Akira decided not to question it at this point. Stranger things have happened after all.

Anyway, some of the Smashers managed to give him inside info about some of the would-be contestants and needless to say...Akira kinda felt bad for them. As he thought to himself in the back of the van Ryuji was driving, the horror stories of Smash tourneys past still flowed through his mind. According to veterans like DK and Fox, the Melee Masters (Or so they liked to call themselves) Game and Watch and Mewtwo, the Brawl Bozos (Names that the Melee Masters gave them that kinda just...stuck around I guess) Pit, Meta Knight, and Snake, and the Four Champions (Basically the former top contenders from the previous tournament) Cloud, Bayonetta, Greninja, and Ryu, the past tourneys were pretty hard on some people.

Take Sonic for instance. Turns out that the guy was actually scheduled to appear during the Melee tournament, but he was still dealing with the fallout of the space colony ARK almost crashing into the Earth, along with the death of his home console at the time, the Dreamcast. By the time he arrived at the Smash Mansion to meet with everyone (And trying his best to actually make it there on time), he was unwittingly engulfed by a spare Subspace bomb that one of the R. left lying out in the open. Yikes. Then, after days on end wandering the Great Maze, he stumbled onto Taboo, broke his wings, and then proceeded to get knocked out by the god-like entity immediately afterward! It didn't exactly help that Mephiles the Dark had "killed" him a week before this, but the less said about that game...the better.

Shovel Knight had it even worse too! After the announcement of the fourth Smash Bros. tournament, many people were eager to see the shovel-wielding hero in action and for good reason. Shovel Knight was a popular figure amongst the Nindies ( Nintendo Indie Characters such as Shantae and Gunvolt) that made up some of the staff working at the Smash Mansion, and his following was only growing with time. Despite what he had going for him, Master Hand still decided not to include him, saying: "Despite his skills, I am afraid Shovel Knight will not be included among our ranks for several reasons. First, we already have more than enough knights and swordsmen amongst our ranks. Secondly, I still believe Shovel Knight must gain more experience in his own world before truly being ready for combat. Finally, after the Subspace incident, I found myself having to dig myself out of a giant wii remote ...for FIVE MINUTES. Let me repeat myself, I, Master Hand, the all-knowing mastermind of this tournament, and the FINAL BOSS...had to SCRATCH and CLAW my way out of a CHILD'S PLAYTHING… for five minutes. If ANYTHING must remind of that...WRETCHED experience, than more often than not it's that horrid shovel! End of discussion!" So….yeah, Shovel Knight has had it pretty rough, and don't even get me started on-

"Hey, we're here" Ryuji says as he stops the van in front of the mansion. Stepping out of the van, Akira took in the sight of the huge building that lay before him. To his right, half of the beige colored building was adorned with a variety of decorations, ranging from Mushroom stickers to neon lights stretching all the way to the top of the near 50 story building. Patches of dandelions and moss surrounded the complex, with purple looking vines wrapping themselves around the lower sections of the building. Akira was no expert on architecture, but he thought someone should at least attend to the weird plant life. Even then, the building still looked welcoming and grand enough to for the phantom thief to call a temporary home. Well, that's how the left half of the building looked to Akira. As for the right half...

"Hey, Akira?" Ryuji asks the Persona user. "Did that Master Hand thing tell you if this mansion was fireproof?"

"Huh? Uh, no Ryuji, he didn't tell me it was fireproof." Akira replies back. " Why would you-"

"I'm asking because half of the damn building's on fire!" Ryuji loudly exclaimed.

To Akira's right, the mansion was engulfed in waves of fire. Ashes and crackling fire overwhelmed his senses as the heat of the scorching flames shattered the illusion of calm from earlier. However, amidst the torrent of heat that surrounded them, something was still very odd. Despite the outside of the mansion being completely scorched, the inside seemed completely unscathed. Still, it begs the question on how the fire-

"SCREEEE!" Without warning, a piercing howl blasted Akira and Ryuji's eardrums. As they looked up into the night sky, a silhouette of a giant winged creature could be seen in the pale moonlight. From what Akira could make of it, the creature in question had a metallic body and yellow wings. It's bright yellow eyes seemed angry and irate, focused solely on death and destruction. As it flew around the mansion, the monster angrily spewed fireball after fireball at the mansion, with each one having little effect.

"I-is this for real" Ryuji finally asks. "What's a monster like that hanging around here for!?" As soon as Ryuji uttered those words, the dragon's attention immediately shifted towards the two teenagers. As a slight grin grew across the monster's face, the beast flared its nostrils and charged a fireball as big as the two persona users combined. But just moments before the two phantom thieves were burnt to a crisp…

Whoosh! Before the two could react, they found themselves inside of the mansion's main hallway, entangled in a huge butterfly net! "Whew! That was a close one, right mayor?" said an energetic voice behind the captured boys. "Oh? Were you saying something Isabelle?" another voice replied. "I was too busy enjoying the scenery outside." "B-but, Mayor!" Isabelle squeaked back, "Those two new assist trophies were about to get roasted alive back there!(Along with most of my dandelions too…)" "Well, it's not like Ridley's temper tantrums aren't justified. He did lose a match today against Pit of all people." "That's not nice Mayor! I think Pit could use a win under his belt! Especially since he's the kind of guy that cries himself to sleep at night watching those weird soap operas that Meta Knight's been showing him. Still-"

"Uh, guys?" Ryuji abruptly asks the two, "This is nice and all but, what the HELL was that thing outside the mansion!?" "I'd like to know about that too…" Akira quietly comments to the Animal Crossing representatives. "Oh, that was just Ridley out there." Villager replies in a nonchalant tone. "Whenever he loses a match to someone he hates, and I mean really hates, he gets pretty salty and throws a massive temper tantrum outside the mansion. In some ways, I guess we're more alike than people think…" Villager creepily adds. "Riiiiiiight." says Akira, trying his best to avert eye contact from the wannabe serial killer standing before him. "Oh, by the way, why did you just call us "assist trophies" just now?"

With a smile that would put Jack Frost's to shame, the boy eerily says "Oh, Master Hand never told you about test he puts all the newbies through did he? Well, it's not that I blame him though...it is pretty grueling." "G-grueling!? What are you talking about?" Ryuji half shouts. "You'll see what fate has in store for you eventually...but for now, I'll happily escort you to where Master Hand is!" the boy says in an unusually cheerful voice. "Oh, my name is Villager by the by, and the furry looking thing next to me is Isabelle!" "M-mayor!" Isabelle shouts back, "D-don't embarrass me while I'm on the job! Speaking of which… where's Lucas? Wasn't he supposed to be helping on the front desk a while ago?"

As if on cue, a young boy with blonde hair and a striped t-shirt ran frantically down the halls marble halls, passing through several stone columns along the way. At the same time, a fully grown man in a gray bodysuit could be seen chasing the boy down the halls, with the most defining feature of his outfit being the black bandana he wore on his forehead. "LUCAS!" the man screamed at the frightened child, "WHERE DID YOU PUT THE BOX!?" "I-i don't know Snake, honest! W-we've been d-doing this for the past half hour now, and I'm telling you that Ness put me up to it!" the young boy explained with fear seeping into his eyes. "NO ONE's allowed to look into my secret box, Lucas, not even you! Now get back here!" Snake shouts.

As the frantic chase between the soldier and psychic continued, Akira could only stare in bewilderment as he turned to Villager. "Is this what it's always like in this madhouse?" Akira finally mutters. "Oh good sir," the Villager whispers to the Phantom Thief, "We're just getting started."


	2. The Phantom Pain

Author's Note: At the time I'm writing this latest chapter, I've spent the past few hours playing Smash Ultimate online and messing around with Joker. Words alone cannot describe how satisfied I am with his playstyle and his Final Smash! At this rate, he's probably going to be one of my new mains. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this latests chapter! Update (5/19/19): As of this edit, I'm having a blast playing Megaman X2 on my Switch, so I may want to include one of the minor characters from the Megaman series later on.

Master Hand had seen contestants of all shapes and sizes compete in the Smash Bros. tournament. Ah, just thinking about the utter delight it was to welcome a new competitor into the tournament hit him with a wave of nostalgia. He still remembered how Lucas' face was quivering with excitement and anxiousness, or how Cloud merely shrugged as he tried to hide his inner satisfaction at being able to enter the competition. "Yes, those were the days." Master Hand thought to himself as he floated in the dark room directly below the mansion. Purple lanterns filled the room with a dim light, with the only other objects in the otherwise empty space being a few marble tables shrouded in darkness.

"Uh, sir? Your guest is here!", a quirky voice called out to the omnipotent being. As the figure appeared out of the darkness, it was revealed to be none other than Isabelle, who happily skipped up and down the pathway behind them. Villager stood behind the excited dog, mumbling to himself as he was still dragging Akira and Ryuji via his oversized butterfly net. "Ridley went on one of his temper tantrums again and these guys almost got caught up in the crossfire...but it's a good thing we got them out of that hairy situation, right Mayor?" "Well, I guess so." Villager lazily remarks back as he drags his butterfly net across the floor. For some reason, Villager never bothered to let Akira or Ryuji out of the net during their initial meeting, and was sluggishly dragging the two phantom thieves in front of Master Hand. Both students were wearing their Shujin Academy uniforms. "I'm still going to deduct your pay once we get back to Smashville though…" "W-what!?" Isabelle replied in a horrified tone. "I don't understand Mayor! Doesn't that seem a little cruel, even for you?" "To be fair," Akira quietly commented. "your boss did drag me and my partner down seventy flights of stairs in less than ten minutes, so I think cruelty is the least of his concerns."

"Aha! Trust me young Akira, when I say that you have yet to see his true colors!" Master Hand's voice boomed throughout the small space. "I apologize for the...disturbance outside. During his last match with Pit, Ridley had become, as the youngsters call it nowadays...triggered. Thus, it was my executive decision to have him stay outside and keep away any lingering subspace primids wandering around the fields." "Primids?" Akira repeated back. "Yes my boy. You see, after the subspace army was vanquished, a few primid soldiers remained, and have since been aimlessly walking around the fields that surround our fine mansion, causing minor disturbances here and there.

"M-minor!?" Isabelle chimed in, "Master Hand, with all due respect, those nasty primids and their subspace bombs created untold devastation throughout the world! Just one subspace bomb destroyed an entire stadium full of people remember? And that was just one of the small ones!" A slight frown grew on Villager's face, remembering the awful events that occurred during the Subspace Army's rise to power. Akira and Ryuji only sat in silence in the butterfly net, merely listening to Isabelle's retelling of the attempted Subspace Conquest.

"Hey, Joker" Ryuji whispers to Akira, "This Master Hand guy never told us about this subspace crap before, yeah? Ya think there's more to this tournament than meets the eye?". "I say we hear what Isabelle has to say for now. We might get some valuable info from this." Akira quietly replies, "Besides, after what Isabelle just said, it's not like things could get any worse from there, right?" As if on cue, the conversation only takes a darker turn as Isabelle changes the subject. "To make matters worse," Isabelle adds, "There's also the matter of the several spirits floating around the mansion after the recent incident with Galeem and Dharkon! It's one thing that those nasty Subspace degenerates tried to take over the world, but if it weren't for Kirby, all the current smashers would be floating around with the dozens of other spirits that those deadly deities used for their war for supremacy!"

"You just HAD to open that big mouth of yours didn't ya?" Ryuji snidely remarks. "No comment" Akira whispers back. Seriously though, if the other contestants had to endure not one, but TWO world threatening calamities already, Akira wondered if he really would have to bring the rest of the Phantom Thieves with him. Y'know, just in case another condescending deity showed up to ruin the fun. The young phantom thief knew that feeling all too well.

"ISABELLE, YOUR PRESENCE HERE IS UNNECESSARY AT BEST. LEAVE AT ONCE" A high pitched voice called out from one of the corner's of the room. From out of the shadows, a tall and imposing robot had rolled over to the right of Master Hand. The figure in question, had red arms, a sleek, white body, and If you paid close attention, the robot's eyes, which normally seemed montone and lifeless, were now twitching with a newfound sense of irritation. A look of fear and anxiousness instantly took hold of Isabelle, acting like a frightened child who was about to be punished by her English teacher for making too much noise in class.

"MASTER HAND, WITH YOUR PERMISSION, MAY I WIPE THIS LOWER LIFE FORM OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET...PLEASE?" the android asked the omnipotent floating hand to his left. "W-what!?" Isabelle shrieks in utter horror. "Master Hand, please don't allow this insufferable android burn me to a crisp!" With a small smirk, Villager only quietly says, "Well, at least SOMEONE realizes that she's a lower life form…" In response to Rob's demand, Master Hand only laughs as the floating figure shakes with joy. "Calm down you two, we don't want our guests to become uncomfortable now. Speaking of which…" Master Hand then turns to the teenagers who are trapped in the oversized butterfly net and points at the two. "I still haven't told you about the special assignment I have planned for you!"

"Right, about that..." Akira exclaims to the floating entity, "What exactly DO you have planned for me Master Hand?" "Aha!" Master Hand shouts with glee "Right to the point then? Very well young man, I suppose it's impossible to avoid the inevitable, so I suppose I'll tell you. You see Akira, there are plenty of diverse personalities and figures that make up the roster of our esteemed tournament, yes? "I'm listening." Akira replies. "Well, beginning with the Brawl tournament, we have decided to have each new competitor to spend one week to get the chance to meet some of their future opponents. For a total of seven days, these newcomers would be assigned to spend an entire day interacting with a veteran of the Smash Bros. tournament, be they friends...or foes. "Yikes. So, is there a catch to all of this? Because if not, then I'd be totally fine with-"

"Indeed there is young Akira!" Master Hand proudly exclaims. "You see, while a newcomer must interact with one veteran smasher for one of seven days, he or she must also complete that veteran's list of chores as well!" "A-are you serious?" Akira meekly replied. "Whew. Well, if that's all I need to do then-" "Don't get too cocky young man!" Master Hand bellows. "As I said before, while most of the smashers are generally good at heart, they're also a notorious band of villains, troublemakers, bums, couch potatoes, and rapscallions as well! I'm sure your encounter with Ridley proved that much too you. In addition, failure to complete any of these assigned chores before the end of the day will force you to become a-a...assist trophy!

"Are you for real!?" Ryuji exclaims to the floating hand. "Isn't there any way that the Phantom Thieves could help im out at all!? "I'm afraid not, young man!" Master Hand shouts back with even more force. "These tasks are for Akira alone to endure I'm afraid! Fortunately, if you do succeed in these endeavors, then not only will you secure a spot onto the roster, but you also receive a special...reward as well. "What kind of reward?" Akira asks innocently. "Haha! Trust me young man, once your through with your hard work here, everything will be worth it! And not just me either…"

Master Hand turns to the white and red robot to his right, who's anger has now been replaced with a more blank expression. "Now then R.O.B, if you would kindly pull that lever behind you to show our guests who they'll be sharing rooms with tonight. "OF COURSE MASTER HAND. IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE." As R.O.B moves to the black lever directly behind him, Master Hand turns his attention back to the two boys sitting before him. "Just remember gentlemen," Master Hand proclaims to the teenagers, "When life gives you lemons, always make some nice, refreshing-!" With a resounding click, R.O.B pulls the lever, revealing an empty square space where Akira and Ryuji once sat, hurtling them down a steel tunnel. Master Hand's voice, which was loud enough as it is, was drowned out by the screams coming from Ryuji and Akira, the two now being separated from the butterfly net and falling freely into a vast darkness.

"Damn it!" Ryuji screams into the vast emptiness. "What the hell was that about!? Couldn't that crazy robot give us a heads up or something!?" With the darkness ensnaring the duo, the two were already scrambling for ideas as to how to get a grasp on the situation. It is then that Akira comes up with an idea. "Hang on Ryuji! Let me try something!" Akira shouts back.

Concentrating as best as he can, Akira tries to snap his fingers, emitting a small red flame from his fingertips. The flame dies just as quickly as it appears, leaving the phantom thief to try again. Snap! Another flame sprouts to life in the palm of Akira's hands, but only lasting a little longer than the first. With a determined look in his eyes, Akira clenches his right hand, and snaps his fingers once more. "Agi!" Akira shouts as he burst of flame erupts from his hand, lighting up the dark tunnel. The now visible walls of the rusty tunnel looked ancient, as if they used to be a part of some old ruin. Text could be seen scribbled onto some of the walls surrounding the delinquents, but the pair were moving so fast that they could barely make out any of it.

"Hey! Akira!" Ryuji shouted to the bespectacled young man. "About this whole "test" of yours or whatever, like, what's your take on it! Between you and me, this place seems shady as hell. I mean, first we get attacked by that mutant dragon, THEN we get dragged down here but a sadistic 10 year old and his annoying secretary, and THEN we get to hear all about how the world got screwed ten times over by some 'benevolent' god turning everyone into spirits! But no, no, let's hold a family-friendly tournament just for funsie-"

"Wait a second, Ryuji, do you see that down below us?" Akira asks the blond haired young man. As the two look down, they see two ventilation shafts directly below them, looking just as rusty and decrepit as the walls. Realizing this, Akira tries grabbing onto Ryuji's collar, only to be sucked down one of the shafts beneath him, with Ryuji's body making a loud thud after landing onto the shaft to Akira's right.

The narrow vent sucked the leader of the Phantom Thieves like a vacuum, occasionally making sharp and random turns to the left and right. Once he got out of this mess, Akira hoped that the mansion offered free massages. Just as he was contemplating the wretched state of his back, the dark haired man, found himself being hurled violently toward an open grate. Bracing himself, Akira body rattled as he collided with the metal bars. As the young man winced with pain, he noticed a huge room laid out beneath him. Aside from the polished white floor, Akira saw a few metal drawers off to the sides, a computer that looked like something out of a sci-fi movie, and… anime figurines? From what he could tell, the teen could also hear two voices coming from room as well.

As he took a closer look at his new surroundings, Akira could at least make out the pair of men talking in the brightly lit room. One of them was wearing a black buret, sunglasses, a tan overcoat, and seemed to be leaning on a crutch, while the other had circular shaped glasses, messy black hair, and wore a lab coat over a small gray t-shirt. "How many times do I have to tell you Otacon," the blonde haired man said. "As excited as you are to meet this 'Joker' character, don't forget that Snake's the one that getting him to run his, um, "errands" for him." "I-I know that sir!" The frizzy haired scientist pouted in response. "B-but this is like a once in a lifetime oppprotunity for me! I mean, it's not everyday that you get to meet the guy who took down a false god! I mean, getting to meet Mario and Sonic for the first time were great and all, but this guy, he's practically an enigma y'know? Just thinking about him makes me want to jump with joy!"

With a small smirk, the man named Miller only sighed in response to Otacon's ravings. The blonde always knew that the scientist had been obsessed with researching these the Phantom Thieves of Hearts, but seeing him act so unprofessionally like this made him smile regardless. "Well, I'm glad you're excited about all this, but Snake's probably just going to use this as a chance to get his bo-"

Chink! The screws holding the grate that Akira was sitting on had finally come loose, sending the young man tumbling down into the room. " I guess I was too busy listening to the conversation to notice." Akira thought to himself. His uniform was now covered in dust and smog from scaling down the vents, and small cobwebs covered his once pristine glasses.

"Well, speak of the devil." Miller mumbled. "So, Otacon, this is the 'illustrious Phantom Thief' that you mentioned earlier, yeah? Um, Otacon?" As he turned to look at the otaku in question, he found him collapsed onto the floor, his pinkies still twiching with excitement at the ungraceful arrival of the wildcard. "Just wonderful." Miller murmured to Akira. "Well, with...that out of the way, I might as well introduce myself. My name is Kaz, but I hear you're fond of codenames, call me Master Miller. Starting tommorow, you'll be going on a mission for your superior for the day, Solid Snake, understand?" Akira only replied with a silent nod, still wondering what the bizarre man that chased Lucas in the hallway could possibly have in store for him.


	3. Phantom, Snake, and PSI (Part 1)

Author's Note (6/12/19): At the time that I started writing this chapter, Banjo JUST got confirmed for Smash and I'm so hyped! Can't wait to see him in action alongside The Hero from Dragon Quest. Anyway, hope you have a beautiful duwang today, (or tonight if you have nothing better to do) sit back, relax, and enjoy the latest chapter. Any respectful comments, critiques, or feedback is very appreciated.

Author's Note (7/8/19): Okay, now that I've finally finished this chapter, I'd like to apologize for the long wait. To reiterate though, critiques are very appreciated and I hope you enjoy!

Episode 3: Phantom, Snake, and PSI

Starring: Akira "Joker" Kurusu, Solid "David" Snake, Hal "Otacon" Emmerich, Kazuhira "Benedict" Miller and Lucas

Enemy Combatants: Shopping Lists, Falling, Miller's hatred of Sonic, ?

Mission...start!

Y'know, for as unpleasant as his initial welcome into the Smash Mansion had been, Akira had to admit that the rooms for the combatants were at least mildly accommodating. Well, it was like that for the members of Philanthropy at least. According to what Miller had told him, each contestant inside the Smash Mansion had their own room that was designed to tailor to each of their specific needs. In this case, the "room" of his current Smash veteran, Solid Snake, just so happened to be a underground bunker located several miles below the mansion.

After helping to tidy himself up, Miller gave the phantom thief a brief tour of the facility, which was divided up into two sectors. In Sector 1, gray, dreary hallways with heavy metal doors sealed away adjacent bedrooms with pristine marble floors. Each room contained a modest sized bunk bed, a wooden dresser, and a small table with a vase of roses placed near a miniature bathroom. At the end of the hallway, a small lounge area could be seen. A large couch was placed at the center of the room, with a flat screen TV comfortably positioned on top of a dark maroon stand. A large kitchen area could be seen to the left, equipped with a number of shelves so expansive and wide, they ended up covering the top half of the wall. Rations, snacks, and daily necessities and ingredients for all sorts of meals were stocked and categorized inside.

"With all of this food, it's a miracle that Kirby hasn't found out about this place." Akira muttered.

"Let's just hope it stays like that." Miller replied with a look of fear in his eyes. "Don't get me wrong, I love the guy as much as everyone else does, but sometimes he's tends to be a bit too...excitable." As the commander adjusted his glasses, a noticeably large drop of sweat formed from his forehead. "Um, are you alright sir?" Akira questioned nervously.

"Oh, yes, yes I'm fine for now. Just a bit...nostalgic is all. Anyway, let's see if I can show you around Sector 2." Miller said as he quickly regained his composure.

In contrast to the tranquillity and solitude of Sector 1, Sector 2 was far more unorganized and tumultuous. Strategies, theories, and other paperwork seemed to be attached to the walls and floors of the maze-like hallways of the sector. White hollow doors would enclose dozens of strategy and board rooms filled with miniature replicas of locations like Green Hill Zone and Green Greens. Guns of all shapes and sizes were adorned on some of the walls, from tiny tranquilisers to massive RPGs.

"Ever since Master Hand decided to obliterate the Trophy Room on floor 96, he's tasked me, Snake and Otacon, to collect information on all the current Smash Brothers residing in this mansion," Miller explained as he was walking near the rear end of Section 2. "Everything that you might know about the fighters that you've interacted with on that group chat and more is compiled here. From the average amount of bananas that DK and Diddy gobble down (Or just outright hoard) to the exact dimensions of Peach's many, MANY castles. Hell, we even know Sonic's favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry's ice cream for pete's sake! I mean, who in God's name eats BACON flavored ice cream these days!? I don't care if that annoying little rodent is depressed, he should at least have SOME common decency! I swear, that hedgehog always manages to get on my nerves somehow, and that idiotic echinda friend of his isn't helping either..."

"Depression?" Akira echoes back. "That's weird. The last time I saw him he said he was getting his groove back."

"Eh. It comes and goes with the guy. One minute he claims that he's making the comeback of the century, the next minute he's barricading himself in his room and watching those weird Segata Sanshiro commercials for hours on end. Anyway… there's something I need to show you." Miller then power walked his way up to a red door at the very end of the sector. Unlike the cold metal doors that could be seen throughout the sector, (Usually accompanied by some sort of card reader) this one was much more conventional in appearance, with a small silver knob on the right, and a small window on the top half. The door in of itself looked eerily familiar already, but the true surprise for Akira lay in the room itself.

"I-is that-", Akira stuttered to Miller. "Yep, it sure is kid," Miller replied back with a big grin. "Master Hand made us pull a lot of strings to get the place just right, but I hope you like it nonetheless. Allow me to welcome you to Leblanc 2.0!"

Indeed, everything from the wooden chairs, the small TV playing the latest news, and the faint, orange glow of the lights was almost identical to the cafe that Joker had spent under Sojiro's care. As the two walked upstairs, Akira also found that his room hadn't changed one bit either. His small white bed still lay in the far right, his gray workshop remained pristine, and even his mini TV had no specks of dust to be seen.

"Oh, there's one more thing that I forgot to mention," said Miller. "I'm sure you're familiar with the MetaNav correct?" A look of surprise quickly spread across Akira's face, which was rare for the normally composed teenager. "Wait, you know about the MetaNav?" Akira shot back.

"Like I said kid, Master Hand tasked us with collecting information on every upcoming contestant in the tournament. There's very few things around here that we don't know about. The only thing worth mentioning is that the MetaNav is functionable inside and outside the mansion. I don't understand how it works myself, but I'm sure that Otacon can fill you in on the details." For now, Akira decided not to question the man and pulled out his phone. Sure enough, the all too familiar Meta Nav app immediately activated with a tap of his finger, distorting the environment with red blotches, and allowing the teenager to change into his phantom thief attire.

Something still seemed very odd though. Even though Akira's mask remained intact, with his signature red gloves, white mask and black trenchcoat, nothing about his surroundings seemed to change. "Now that I think about it," Akira thought to himself, the MetaNav never asked for me to enter a location either…" Akira noticed that the transformation made even Miller flinch a little due to how sudden it was. However, the blonde haired member of Philanthropy was quick to regain his composure and let out an awkward cough that grabbed his guest's attention.

"Well, now that you're in uniform Ak-er, Joker, it's time that I gave you your first assignment for the day." "Huh? What do you mean Miller?" Akira asked inquisitively. "I thought it was still night-" As Akira pulled out his phone to check the time, expecting it to be 10 o'clock at night, he was shocked to realize that it was already 2 o'clock in the afternoon! "W-what!?" the phantom thief exclaimed. "That can't be right! I'm sure that I got here around 10 PM with Ryuji!"

"You'd be surprised how much time passes in Master Hand's Subspace Chambers, kid." Miller said with a small grin. "Especially with how long you've seemed to have spent there. But back to your assignment for today…" Miller began to pull a crumpled up sheet of paper from his back pocket. After straightening out a little, he handed it over to Joker. "Your assignment for today will be to collect everything you see on that shopping list and bring it back to HQ in one piece. Snake forgot to buy his... groceries this week, so we figured you'd be the perfect candidate for this job."

"So I just need to go grocery shopping today?" Joker muttered to himself. "That doesn't seem so bad. Looks like all you guys need is bacon, a carton of milk, and, wait, Stealthanol?"

As Akira examined the list further, he found that the items listed grew more and more outlandish. I mean, I guess buying Stealthanol would make sense given Snake's profession, but why would Snake need one jar of radioactive Phazon, one thousand, fifty-nine Star Bits, five pounds of Bassnium, and a green Chaos Emerald? Was Otacon planning on building one of those bipedal mechs that Miller wouldn't stop talking about?

As if on cue, Miller gave a deep sigh, almost as if he read Joker's mind. "Don't even ask me why Snake has you collecting those materials. Apparently he said it was, and I quote: "For a personal project." Knowing Snake, that could mean any number of things. Oh, and be sure to take this with you as well."

Miller tossed Joker a small star shaped object that quickly grew in the phantom thief's hand as he caught. It quickly wrapped itself underneath Joker's feet and was hovering a few feet above the attic floor with a faint hum. "Just give a quick tap onto that warpstar and it should take you straight to Shroom Supermarket," Miller said. "Just be wary of any other Assists or Smashers that'll get in your way in there. I swear that place makes most stores on Black Friday look like Skyworld by comparison. Well, I'm afraid that's all the advice I can give you kid. Good luck."

With a small nod, Joker gave a quick tap onto the warpstar that he was currently riding and shot into the air like a rocket. The warpstar moved at near light speeds, leaving the backgrounds that flickered in and out of the raven haired teen's vision a drunken blur. Chunks of grass, steel, bricks, and other random debris could be seen skitting near the edges of the warpstar as Joker practically held on for dear life to the glowing object. "How is Kirby able to ride this thing so casually?" Akira thought as he felt his stomach turn into toothpaste as the warpstar came to an abrupt stop.

"Wait...it stopped?" Akira muttered to himself. Just as he said that, the warpstar abruptly vanished into thin air, leaving the phantom thief plummeting several hundred feet into the concrete below him. Or at least, that would have happened had someone not graciously broke Joker's fall. As Joker tried to get his bearings in order, he noticed that the floor he landed on had spotless white tiles and seemed to be supporting pillars of some kind. He also took the time to notice that a little boy with blond hair, a red and yellow striped shirt, and blue shorts was knocked out underneath him.

"Gah!" Joker yelped as he realized that he incapacitated the poor boy with his sudden fall. "Crap, I should've been paying more attention...uh, don't worry kid, l-let me heal you!" Joker impulsively called to the collapsed boy. As Akira clutched his mask, a streak of light green sparkles emerged from his hand. "Diarama!" Joker shouted. Once he gathered enough energy, the phantom thief then launched the green pulses of magic from his hand toward the injured boy lying on the ground. Soon enough, the boy got back onto his feet looking as refreshed as ever.

"Huh?" the boy said in a barely audible whisper. "What...happened to me?" he said as he slowly turned toward Joker. "Oh, I'm sorry mister, I didn't-" As the boy's eyes lazily gazed up towards the persona user, his mouth immediately went wide with shock. "W-wait a second!" the boy silently quivered. "You're that Phantasm Thief guy! The one with the weird Stand powers right? How did you get here so fast?

Akira only chuckles awkwardly at the sudden remark, thinking that he might have hit his noggin in all the wrong places. "Well," the Persona User replied back. "It's a bit of a long story."


	4. Phantom, Snake, and PSI (Part 2)

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so long to finish guys! I've been busy with adjusting to life at my new college and my schoolwork hasn't been helping either. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Under normal circumstances, residents of the Smash Mansion always had three rules that they were always obeyed without question. These rules have been put into place by none other than Master Hand himself and have been abided by ever since the first Super Smash Bros. tournament. These rules also have been updated and expanded to accommodate the needs of the current Smash roster. They include the following:

Master Rule #1: Under no circumstances shall any of the competitors receive any form of aid during matches, nor are they allowed to use health restoring items such as potions to restore health outside of team matches or matches when items are turned on. If a competitor is unable to compete for any reason, he or she will be replaced with an understudy that will compete in his or her stead until he or she has made a complete recovery. It should also be noted that none of the competitors can sabotage each other during matches and will result in an immediate disqualification.

Master Rule #2: There are several locations outside of the mansions for contestants to explore. For instance, competitors can shop for food, water, Knick knacks, souvenirs, and other supplies at the Skyworld Supermarket located in The Clouds. If any fighter wishes to hone their skills in battle, or simply need a place to isolate themselves, places such as the Ancient Ruins or the Glacial Peak are available at any time. However, for the personal safety of the contestants, we ask that contestants do NOT travel to these locales without permission from Master Hand, Crazy Hand, or any (living) inhabitants:

Eurasia Space Colony Ruins (Contains the Zero, Sigma, and Nightmare Viruses. Considered to be highly unstable by passerby. Rumors of Dr. Wily claiming residence in the bowels of the crater run rampant).

Subspace Bomb Factory (Responsible for the mass production of Subspace Bombs used during the infamous Emissary incident).

The Ruined Zoo (Contains numerous pyramids, beasts, and leftovers of the Subspace Army. Small children should be extra wary).

Outer Heaven (A nigh impenetrable fortress that serves as a testing ground for giant bipedal mechs or "Metal Gears". The slogan: "Mother Base for Mother Race" is common in this territory).

Distortion World (A confusing anomaly created by the Pokémon, Giratina. Few have come back from this dimension alive...)

Eggman Land (The designated territory of Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik. Trespassers are said to be captured, experimented on, or stuck babysitting Orbot).

Dracula's Castle (The home of the legendary vampire Dracula and his minions. Rumors claim that on a clear night with a full moon, you can hear hushed sobs coming from the castle throne room...)

Bowser's Castle (The domain of the infamous Bowser. Also used as a kart racing track for reasons unknown. Much like Bowser himself, this location is considered intimidating yet oddly misunderstood.)

Master Rule #3: As the number of participants grows, the world created by Master Hand continues to grow as well. It is thus within reason that the Smash Mansion expand in size to accommodate our new guests. However, it is important to realize that as more worlds become intertwined and intermixed into our community, the dangers of those worlds should be taken into consideration. As such, anything that poses a major threat to the Smash Mansion, the Super Smash Bros. tournament, and its competitors will be exiled to the forbidden areas listed in Master Rule #2.

"...And that's pretty much everything you need to know about the rules around here," Lucas said as he quickly started gasping for breath. Joker, who had just put some bacon and a carton of eggs into his shopping cart, didn't seem to be paying too much attention to the PSI user. Instead, the phantom thief was prominently humming to the Wii Shop Channel theme that was playing over the speakers.

"S-so," Lucas quietly mumbled. "Do you have any questions that you want me to answer."

"H-huh?" Akira said in a barely audible whisper. "Sure, just leave everything to me Lupin."

"Uh, it's Lucas." Lucas replied as a visible drop of sweat ran down his forehead. "Besides, shouldn't you worry about the dangerous stuff that Snake wanted you to buy? You've already picked up all of the food."

"You've got a good point there…" Joker mumbled as he crossed the last of the regular items off his checklist. "That crosses off the last can of pineapples Snake wants me to buy. Maybe I should-"

A loud buzz from Joker's cell phone cut him off mid-sentence. As Joker picked up his phone to respond, he was soon met with the sound of an all too familiar voice. "Hello?" Joker asked hesitantly.

"Joker, this is Otacon. You've just arrived at Shroom Supermarket, right?" the anime-obsessed scientist asked. Judging from his more serious tone, it seems that Otacon had managed to recover from his fangasm from earlier. So that was good.

"Yeah, Lucas is accompanying me through the aisles as we speak." Joker replied. "Do you know anything about where we can find the Phazon Snake's looking for? Or the green Chaos Emerald and Bassnium?"

"Well, that's where things get tricky. You see, under normal circumstances these items would be held under lock and key in one of Crazy Hand's research facilities or in one of the storage rooms in the mansion. Tell me, did Miller inform you about this year's annual Smash and Crash Eating Competition?"

"Uh, no," Joker replied. "He never mentioned that earlier. Wait, what does that have to do with the rest of the items on Snake's list?"

"I'm getting to that! Just let me give you some context." said Otacon. "So, a day before the events of the Melee tournament, Crazy Hand randomly decided to host a hot dog eating contest where the winner would receive one or more of his special "knickknacks".

"Ok, I'm following so far…" Akira mumbled under his breath.

"As you can already guess, these precious "knickknacks" that that demented glove has lying around are some of the most powerful and valuable artifacts this side of Big Shell. Master Balls, Trophy Stands, Super Stars, Sol Emeralds, Star Rods, heck, he's even got an exact replica of Metal Gear Rey just lying around in his basement! Anyway, the competition attracts a lot of competitors, some of which we keep a very close eye on. I mean, you wouldn't want someone like King K. Rool running around with his own fleet of disposable Arwings would you?"

"Fair point." said Joker as he looked over his shoulder to make sure only Lucas was in the same aisle as him. "So, I'm guessing this is where I come in, right?"

"Precisely!" Otacon said with enthusiasm. "After all, with your recent exploits at Big Bang Burger, you'd be a natural pick for this kind of contest! Just don't get too cocky now. I heard that Donkey Kong AND King Dedede will be competing today, so you'll definitely be facing fierce competitors out there."

"W-wait a minute!" Lucas chimed in. "If it weren't for Kirby's bottomless black hole that he calls a stomach, Dedede and DK would have been at a complete stalemate the last time they entered the competition! Just thinking about it makes my stomach want to-"

"Uh, let's hold off on the details for now!" Otacon quickly added. "Besides, registration should start at the service desk in a few minutes so you'd better hurry."

Joker and Lucas quickly walked a bit to the front of the canned goods section to see a huge line forming right in front of a small customer service desk. Most of the people waiting in line looked to be either assist trophies or natives of their respective worlds with too much time on their hands. Toadette, Hammer Bro, Resetti, Silver Sonic, Elec Man, Groose, Professor Sycamore, and rounded up the bulk of the people Joker saw near the back of the line. However, as Joker observed the people near the front and middle of the line, he could slowly recognize more and more key figures entering the contest. Aside from DK and Dedede, it seemed that Lyn, Zero, Andross, Shovel Knight, and Ashley would be participating as well.

However, amongst the participants, a blue haired young man wearing a white school uniform immediately caught the Phantom Thief's attention. As if being pulled by a magnet, Joker slowly but surely made his way to the seemingly normal teenager waiting near the middle of the line. Could that be…?

"Yusuke?" Joker said in bewilderment. "What are you doing here? I thought you were back in our world." After quickly turning around, the aspiring artist smiled as he greeted his former leader.

"Ah, Joker. I was just about to go looking for you. It seems this contest is causing quite a commotion." Yusuke replies. "As for why I am here, that floating hand deity that rules this place has given us his permission to aid you in your duties for the week. I believe he was called...Minister Bland?"

"Um, it's Master Hand Yusuke." Joker quietly muttered in response. "Oh, have you met Lucas yet? He can be a bit shy, but he's been pretty helpful in telling me about the rules of this place."

"It is nice to make your acquaintance Lucas." Yusuke said as he greeted the smaller boy. "If I am not mistaken, most people refer to your world as being "retro", correct?"

"Um, I guess so?" Lucas said with a confused look in his eyes. "I mean, I heard that my spiritual successor is doing pretty well for itself lately so-"

"Splendid!" Yusuke exclaims, capturing the attention of everyone else standing in line. "In that case, I would like you to take me there at the soonest opportunity!"

Lucas, who somehow looks even more panicked than he did before, looks at Yusuke in bewilderment. "Huh!? W-why do you want go there now?"

"Ah yes, I should most likely elaborate, first shouldn't I?" Yusuke calmly replies. "Well, allow me to explain! You see, once I arrived in this world with the Thieves, I heard tell of a legendary artist and painter by the name of Vincent. It's been said that this man paints with such skill and attention to detail, that the Goddess of Light herself, Palutena, asked him to construct this very supermarket in Skyworld, as well as renovate many older buildings that were destroyed when her realm was temporarily in ruin. After parting ways with the others, I sought out this man for what seemed like months on end, scouring Glacier Peak and the Plains to find any semblance of his presence. With Futaba's assistance, it seems that rumors online say that a mysterious man with a white beard, artist's smock and paintbrush seems to be popping in and out of worlds that were the first to be represented in the Smash Bros. tournament. In other words, they are worlds that are deemed "retro" by the Smash community."

"Um, that's cool and all, but what are you going to do once you find Vincent?" Lucas asks. "I heard that he's pretty elusive you know?"

"I'm glad you asked." Yusuke calmly says as a small smirk runs across his mouth. "You see, there was another reason why I was called into this world by Master Hand. Apparently, he wants me to work with Vincent on a new piece he's been working on lately to commemorate the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate tournament. He hasn't given me any details on what it could be though. I still look forward to meeting him soon. Maybe he'll even be able to critique some of my latest work. Oh, by the way Joker…"

"Yes Yusuke?" Joker replied curiously. For some reason, Yusuke was awkwardly avoiding Joker's gaze as he looked to the floor.

"I'm afraid that the Thieves weren't the only ones assigned to assist you in your endeavors." Yusuke explained. "Igor also had a hand in trying to assist you on your errands by asking some...questionable characters to aid you. In fact, I believe that one of them should be on this very lin-"

Before Yusuke even managed to finish his sentence, a loud burst of laughter grabs the attention of nearly everyone standing in line. Standing at the very front of the registration stood a young man around Joker's age with wild red hair, a Yasoinaba uniform tied around a brown shirt and red eyes that gave the young man an intimidating, yet enthusiastic aura to him. A huge scar in the shape of an X covered the teen's face as he appeared to be conversing with a seemingly friendly conversation with King K Rool.

"Oh man, who'd think that idiotic primate would let all of his bananas get stolen by a bunch of jackass koopas! And right in the middle of the world ending to boot!" the red-haired man said gleefully. "I guess you could say he couldn't get the apPEEL of keeping them huh? Bahahahahahahaha!"

"Right you are my good sir!" K Rool bellowed as he stroked his massive belly. "Never before have I encountered a no name ruffian with such a delightful sense of humor! You really are one of a kind!"

"Heh! Not sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment, but since you graciously took time out of your schedule to compete against that miserable monkey you call a rival then maybe you aren't as lazy as I thought!" the red haired man snarked back with a grin. "Well, as entertaining as this back and forth banter has been, I got to go meet up with this phantom thief guy soon. Apparently, I got to make sure to help him do chores or whatever. Pretty weak if you ask me, but at least it's a great source of entertainment thus far. Well, see you awhile crocodile!"

"The same goes for you as well, Sho Minazuki! But don't expect any mercy from me if we ever cross paths!" K Rool belched back at the red-haired teen. With that, the young man named Sho spun his head to look at Joker and the others.

"Well, well!" Sho bellowed as he approached Joker. "Looks if isn't Satan's favorite son himself! Huge fan of your work by the way! The world is already screwed up enough as it is without crappy politicians gumming up the works, yeah?"

"Right...so I'm assuming you're the "hired help" that Igor sent for me?" Joker asked as he awkwardly stroked his cheek.

"Wow, you catch on pretty quick!" Sho enthusiastically replied. "Yep, the one and only Sho Minazuki is here to give you a helping hand..."

"By entering the contest with me?" Joker asked. "To ensure that Joker obtains Crazy Hand's fabled "knickknacks" of legend?" Yusuke added. "And make sure that he brings them back to Snake so he can use them to go on some daring mission to save the world from Ocelot or the Patriots?" Lucas asked aloud.

"What? LAME." Sho exclaimed as he stuck his tongue out at Joker, Yusuke, and Lucas. "Why waste my time putting actual effort into this charade when I can lend my voice to the commentary table and make a mockery out of everyone else that's competing?"

Sho then pointed to a rectangular marble table with three chairs placed near the back end. On the left, Resetti could be seen tapping his fingers on the table impatiently as he waited for the competition to begin. On the right side, Knuckles' loud snores could be heard all throughout the grocery store as a small pool of drool began to pile up underneath him. "While you sit there and must endure a hell beyond imagination, I'll be sitting with the real MVPs of this contest! Look at em! Two icons in their prime! Almost makes a guy shed a tear. Any who Mr. Fancy Pants, good luck out there! God knows you'll need it!" And with that, Sho sprinted off to the commentator table to meet his idols in person, leaving Joker, Yusuke, and Lucas high and dry.

"Talk about self-absorbed…" Lucas quietly muttered to himself. "He almost reminds me of Porky."

"Tell me about it." Joker replied. "Well, as long as he doesn't cause any trouble, he should be fine."

"Next in line please!" A voice called out. Joker glanced towards the small desk to his right, noticing that he was next in line to register for the contest. "I guess I was too busy talking with Sho to notice the line." Joker thought to himself as he approached the Mii gunner who sat at the Registration desk.

"Just sign your name here please." The Mii gunner said to the masked Phantom Thief. After Joker did as the Mii had asked, he was given a small paper ticket labeled #65 and was told to take a seat at the table with the matching number. Rows of tables had been assembled for this epic occasion, with each one having a massive plate of food for each of its contestants.

"Table #4 and #6 are piled high with bananas… probably for DK and K. Rool respectively." Joker deduced. "Let's see… #16 has veggies, probably for Palutena to shove down Pit's throat, #45 is stacked with E-Tanks so I imagine Megaman's going to sit there, #59 has a tank…. moving on. Ah, here's #65!"

As Joker finally sat down at his designated table, what lay before him was a sight to behold. Though his trials at Big Bang Burger were no joke, they were trivial in comparison to the beast staring down at the phantom thief. As Joker awaits the signal, his eyes twitch in irritation at the gigantic stack of pancakes that lies before him.


End file.
